Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I've Decided I'd Eat the Bugs After All...

When I started watching Survivor, the second season, eventually there was a reward challenge that involved eating bugs, or worse. I told my DH there was NO WAY I'd do it. If you ate the first bug, and won that round you were rewarded by going to the next round, and eventually you'd be eating something so horrific I couldn't even watch. I told him I'd never make it to the last round, so why start? Not even for $1,000,000.00 would I eat them. Especially if they were crunchy and still alive. Not that slimey and dead sounded particularly appetizing either.

Never say never.

I think I might.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and we have three of the hairiest creatures living within our walls. Hairy creatures that shed profusely. I've resorted several times to having two of them shaved, at the tune of almost $50 each, and every time am so disgusted that it costs almost $100 to take home two bald dogs. My reward was less pet hair deposited on the floors of our house, and the lampshades and the sofas and our clothing. Still, paying more to cut off their hair than I do to have mine cut, highlighted and styled seemed a bit much.

I got desperate. I bought dog clippers at Target for $35.00, the deluxe model with the heavy duty motor, and a $2 rubber bath mat at the Dollar Store (which tells you how desperate it is that something costs $2 at a $1 store). Last night I took dog #1 who happens to have twice as much hair as dog #2, but is less neurotic, I took him down to the storage room, lifted all 90 lbs of him up onto the freezer where the rubber bathmat had been spread, and off we went. I started with the #8 attachment, which seemed to have no effect whatsoever. The poor dog had to endure going through every single attachment til we got to #1 and finally removed it and just cut his hair down. Feeding him treats between attachment changes helped, but I'm sure he was thinking 'good night nurse this is taking a long time!'.

Standing there with my head snuggled up to the dog's rear, shaving away, and even having somewhat of a good time, I realized it's amazing what we will do for money. I told DH I'd get fired if I worked at Petsmart but Dubbie and I didn't think it was so bad for a first effort. We'll get better, faster, and I may even figure out how to shave him without my nose being shoved into places that rate right up there with slimey or crunchy bugs, dead or alive.

I figure I inhaled horribleness, and saw up close and personal sights not mentionable, for about $50. I'm pretty sure I'd crunch awhile and put up with some grit in my teeth for another $999,950.00.


Gretchen said...

When you put it like that...bugs aren't so bad.

Golden retrievers...oh, the hair!

Kelly said...

The last time we had our carpets cleaned, the cleaner guy got down on his hands and knees and sniffed the carpet to see if the dog had tinkled anywhere. I watched him in absolute horror! Then I paid the bill, yikes! Last week I found myself, nose to the floor like a bloodhound... saving a few dollars myself:-)

Becky said...

I've started cutting the Butler's hair ... first time in 27 1/2 yrs ... does that count????

p.s. He smells good at least.

Barb said...

I was going to say what Becky said. I cut Rob's hair too.

All eleven of them.

Good grief. I'm trying not to picture you with your face in that dog's behind, Bev. I know you love them, butt.....

I would love to see the "after" photo, after you shave them. :-)

PS - I'm soooo glad Survivor has stopped making them eat all those horrible things.

Susanne said...

Oh, my. You are one brave woman.