Oh Give Me a Home, with shining stars, sans buffalo chips

Day #1 of the Love Dare book was "for the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret."

I took it to mean when DH did something that rubbed me the wrong way, I would keep my lips sealed. No clever come-back, or correcting him, etc.

It took me another five days, five days when the stock market went totally crazy and DH came home more discouraged and overwhelmed, to realize the dare might mean not say anything negative....about anything!

I'm a full-personality female with chatty people genes. DH is quiet and shy. Most days I think he enjoys the contrast between us, since he's stuck with me 27 years. But as I reflected on this Love Dare more, I became aware not only of how much I talk, but what I talk about. Just like I've sometimes wished my brown eyes were green, and rather than being tall, I'd like to be 5'5" so I could wear a size 6 shoe instead of a 10, I've sometimes wished I was more shy, reflective, quiet, gentle, and less talkative. I wanted to be born that way, rather than work on changing.

So here's how to cut by at least half how much you or I talk. Really, it's a piece of cake. All we have to do is only say positive things. Even if DH is saying something negative about, say, the economy or the price of stocks, or whether he might ever retire after all, or his boss is difficult, or the neighbor never rakes his leaves, or the work of caring for this house is never done..., we just listen with a tone of support, but we don't dump gas on the fire! Alas, for me it's all too easy to grab the gas can and pour away. I hate for anyone to be alone at a pity party or gripe session or the business of people bashing.

I'm somewhere between depressed and convicted and amazed to realize just how much of my conversation is less than edifying.

"Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam, where the deer and antelope play. Where seldom is heard a discouraging word, and the skies are not cloudy all day."

Times haven't changed that much. Years ago they sang of plenty, and peace and good weather. I don't really want to scoop buffalo chips from the lawn, but I do want our home to be a refuge from the storm. I can't do anything at all about the price of stocks, or what the Dow closes at. I can light a candle, make sure our home is clean and cheery, supper is simmering on the stove, and the words coming out of my mouth are uplifting rather than discouraging. I can also put before the Lord this desire of my heart because without His help it's hopeless. I'm confident He's more than willing to equip me with what it takes to improve in this area. I don't want the words I speak to leave behind an odor that could be traced to a herd of buffalo, rather I want them to be a pleasing aroma to the Lord, DH and anyone else who spends time with me.

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life... Phil. 2:14

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:19