We took down the little bed our grandson slept in when he'd stay with us. And I didn't cry. We took it over to his other grandmother's so he can enjoy sleeping in a familiar bed there. Our church called us down front, gathered around us and prayed for us a week ago, and we cried a bit over that. I went away for a weekend with my five best friends, and mostly we laughed. Only a few tears.
But inside I'm a bundle of emotions - not wanting to turn loose of our family here, excited to be heading out to the life waiting for us in Texas, to being with family there. The smallest thoughts turn me into an emotional puddle, and I'm mostly holding it all in check.
And that's exhausting. We're plenty busy with moving preparations, but it leaves little time for blogging, or surfing the web, or putzing or even reading a book, except that the last book from our library is due the day we leave, so I'm feverishly reading every night trying to get it done.
Moving is over-rated. Leaving family behind is over-rated. The blessing of being with kids you've lived away from for 7 or 11 or more years can't be measure. And finally being with grandkids you haven't spent any time with - the same.
It still doesn't make it easy. I'm finding myself thinking about those days when we'd climb in the family car, drive to college, and drop off one of our kids. I'd literally cling to them and sob, and it didn't help one bit that I had others at home. It was for the best, I knew that, but it still didn't make it any easier.
So I know it's probably blasphemy to even compare, but when Elizabeth Elliott's husband was killed by a spear while trying to evangelize a tribe somewhere I don't remember, and she got word that he'd died, she said she stood at her kitchen sink and felt God telling her to 'do the next thing.' Stay busy, keep moving. One thing at a time.
That's what we're doing here - busy from sun-up to sun-down, and steeling up for all the goodbyes each day holds. Looking toward the welcoming hugs waiting for us down south and getting ready to tell one chunk of our family goodbye. How did those mothers of daughters heading out on wagon trains do it?
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Ah, moving is so hard. We moved 22 years ago and I said never again. So far, so good :)
But I sure know the pain of saying goodbye to a daughter and a grandson. I'll be praying for you.
I haven't walked in your shoes, Bev, but I can certainly "feel" your torn emotions in your words. I also sense your strength - and I know that His strength will be yours at the moments you most need it.
I do miss your posts these days!
Right now 2/3 of your heart is in Texas and a 1/3 is in Pennsylvania. In a week, you'll do a full exchange. Anytime a Mama's chicks aren't under her wings she's longing for the ones that are away from the nest. No avoiding that, I'm afraid. You'll just live for those times when all your chicks are together with you again, and store up those memories to pull out and savor on those days when you miss them so much it's a real physical and spiritual pain in your heart.
Love you, my friend. xoxoxo
Diane
Oh Bev, I considered writing something glib, like early American moms probably hoped the Pony express brought news about their daughters, and we won't even talk about scalping Indians to worry about.
As your mom, if I could, I would take away all your pain of leaving; But the truth is there is no easy way.
I hope it helps a little though, knowing that your sadness is only a reflection of your love, and because you and Don did such a great job raising Les, she will be just fine, and both of you soon happy, planning for your next time together.
Oh Bev, you have been on my mind so much this past week. I'll be praying for you, I know you're juggling such a mixture of emotions... you're bound to be laughing one minute and tearing up the next.
Hope these next few days are full of lots of happy memories and the move goes smoothly. Hugs!
Moving IS hard. I know ... we just did it. I miss my boys like crazy, even though I know for sure we did the right thing and they are fine.
But I still can't wait to go see them soon.
I'll be praying for you on many levels. Goodbyes, settling, traveling, finding that church to make home, keeping up with the new life of retirement, enjoying your hubby, hosting the "other grandkids" and everything in between.
God is so good to give us just enough variation in life to keep us on our knees :)
Simply put....the best and the worst of times.
My daughter and I had lunch together, and we brought the three year old for good measure. He kept it light and we had such a great time together. She and I are gradually getting to that point we need to be at. Thank you guys for being faithful to pray for us. Within a couple of weeks I'll be nesting into our new place with stories of bluebirds building their nests in our little bird houses.
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