Sunday, February 8, 2009

Happy Birthday to Me...

I'm two today. Or fourteen, depending on how you look at it.

Sometimes I have brain freeze and act like a complete spazz, and like most two and fourteen year olds, I also love diving into my bed at night, then sleeping in til the sun wakes me up.

This is my favorite spot in the house. On a really good day a mole runs across the sidewalk and I dream about catching it, holding it in my teeth and whacking it with my paws. That would be fun! I don't tell The Woman this, for fear of scaring her that I'm a carnivore, but I think The Man would like me even better if he knew.

I love playing hard, running in circles, or playing with my older brother - we have this great game called 'chewing each others' heads'. The Woman calls it 'head wresting' and it makes her a little bit grouchy, and sometimes she yells really loud at us, "B.O.Y.S - O.U.T.!" Then she locks one of us in the other room til we calm down a little bit. I wonder if she ever did that with anyone else...

I love how cold it is here, and running outside, chasing the squirrels, scooping up mouthfuls of snow from the deck, or finding a really great stick in the yard. Sometimes if I'm fast I can sneak through the door with it still in my mouth, to chew on a bit. As soon as it starts shedding wet bark goo on the rugs, The Woman grabs it and throws it back out the door, but it's fun while it lasts.

The People don't feed me much, they keep saying something about a D.I.E.T., whatever that is. Whatever it is, it's not good. The People started this D.I.E.T. after they shaved off my beautiful, wavy, gold coat. That happened after many comments, on The Woman's part, about 'hair floating in the air' and 'you can't have anybody over for dinner for the hair in the air' and 'hair on every single surface in the house' and they had another woman show up with a little thing that made noise. She rubbed it all over my body and voila - I was bald! And fat, apparently. To add insult to injury they laughed at me and said I look like a 'beer brats', whatever that is. I'm pretty sure it's not attractive. The Woman said I have to be on this D.I.E.T. til I have a waist. What's a waist? She told The Man when she looks at me from above, she should see some indents in my shape and until then she uses this gold, shiny metal thing to scoop my food out, counting, 1, 2 and that's it. That's it! In the afternoon she does the same thing, '1, 2'. Now I not only have a weight problem, I've developed a habit of inhaling my food.

The Woman told the Man I look like a beer brats from all the snacks she had to give me, trying to get me to come inside when I'd rather be scooping up mouthfuls of snow or chasing squirrels or looking for good sticks. It was the only thing that worked and she didn't want the neighbors thinking she sounded like a Fish Wife. What's a Fish Wife? Possibly someone who would give me fish? I wonder what I'd have to do to get her to sound like a Peanut Butter Sandwich Wife, or a Popcorn Wife....

I have some freedom now, possibly because I quit chewing the furniture and socks and the cat and the corners off books and shoes still on people's feet. I get to go anywhere in the house I want, only on one floor. If I venture up the stairs, The Woman stands at the top and very loudly starts yelling at me, "Down, Down Right Now!" When you're shaped like a beer brats it's not easy to go backwards on stairs so I don't do that very often. Only when I think she won't catch me. She still puts me in jail every night because she told The Man the one time she let me be loose I found her in the dark and started giving her face kisses. I wonder if The Man ever tries that?! He better not unless he wants to be sent downstairs to sleep in the jail with us.

The cat doesn't hate me so much anymore. Sometimes we smell each other and sometimes we rub noses, and only once in awhile I can't help myself and I reach over and scoop her up and she feels all soft and fluffy in my mouth as I run through the house with her. Once in a great while she comes to my jail cell and curls up by me, to keep me company, and it's wonderful beyond description. When she does that I can hear little motor noises coming from her insides. It's a nice noise to fall asleep to.

I miss my Dad and Mom. I think they would wrestle with me, take me to the park, possibly let me sleep on the sofa, and not care if I was chubby or not. I think they would give me peanut butter sandwiches and popcorn and other delicious snacks. They wouldn't use the metal cup and say "1, 2." See - look at them, don't they look nice to you?

I hear they are coming for a visit soon, and oh the fun we'll have. I can't wait to show them all the tricks I've learned. The one I do best is "Settle" because The Woman won't pour my measly 1, 2 cups of food til I do. I think The Boy will take me outside and throw things for me to catch and bring back to him. He doesn't know I can do that, so I'm going to surprise him!

The People have a little person who comes to our house a lot, and he's delicious. He always smells funny, and sometimes he has leftover food on his face, and I hurry and lick it off before anyone can stop me. He lets me play with his toys and sometimes he even lets me chew on them. But the B.E.S.T. thing about The Little Person is that his favorite game is "feed the puppies" and The Woman fills a little bowl with treats and Little Person stands at the jail gate and throws them over to us. Even though I'm shaped like a beer brats, The Little Person gets anything he wants, so it's a good deal for both of us. Which ultimately means The Diet will continue for yet another day, but it's fun while it lasts.

I heard The Woman tell The Man she thinks everyone should have a dog, because dogs are the closest thing to Jesus Love on this earth. I wonder what she means by that? I wonder if it means more treats for me?


Lynne said...

Happy birthday to that sweet pup! Imagine the Woman saying you look like a beer brat! But don't feel bad - my Maggie also has a weight problem and is on a D.I.E.T.

I'd love to see a picture of you carrying the cat around - maybe the Woman could post one someday.

Have a wonderful day - I hope you get lots of treats today.

Kate said...

Hi Bev, I've wondered this for a while now....why do you have your son's dog?? If they got a dog and realized they were unable to take care of him, why didn't they just find a new, permanent home for him? Why are you his guardian for now and when will your son take him back??

I'd have shaved his fur off, too!! Fur is one of my biggest fears, LOL!

Becky said...

I have SO missed his letters from camp that he used to write. So I am glad he took the occasion of his 2nd birthday to catch us all up on his activities.

I do wonder sometimes, what they would think about what we say. Somehow, we send our words through filters when we talk to people, but to our furry friends, they get us just the way we are.

I have only just the last 2 weeks started wondering if it is time for us to get another dog. Abby will be gone 2 years in April. I don't miss the hair. But I miss someone to talk to.

Kelly said...

Adorable! The funniest part, though, is I didn't realize it wasn't your birthday you were talking about until I saw the puppy pictured by the door... so I had this image of you diving into bed every night and sleeping as late as possible:-) (although I did wonder why you said you were 2 or 14!) How funny!

Bev said...

Hello Kate, Dubby's parents were accepted into a ministry that assesses them demographically, to see what groups of people they might best minister/witness to, and they are required to live in the apartment the organization chooses. They chose a high rise in downtown Dallas, that does not allow any pets.

Dubby was six months old then, they'd fully house-broken him, trained him somewhat, and would have had to give him away. We're golden retriever people (although I do believe this is our last and we're thinking of next Gibson dog being a Soft Coated Wheaton Terrier which is adorable but does not shed a bit). Our golden was old and lonely and so we thought Dubby would add some quality to his life, making him more active and keeping him company when we're away, which he has.

We have a big house, a fenced yard, so we figured one more was not the end of the world. The plan never was for us to have him forever, but rather to keep him til we move to Texas, and when we do, if Dan and Janae have finished their time in this ministry and have bought their first home then Dubby will move back home. If he lives at the lake with us awhile that's all good too.

Our dog is only 10 and likely has a few years left in him. Having two big dogs in the house can make me a little nuts at times, but it's been very good for the older one. Maybe God just thought I could use a little more patience and a bit more discipline about keeping our house clean!

Eventually we'll see Dubby when we visit his parents, and he's going to have a special place in our hearts after having been in our home this long. He's a real sweetheart. Thanks for asking.

Renna said...

What a neat post! My dh and I often have running commentaries (conversations, actually) of what we think the dog is saying to us.

I LOL at the kisses in the dark comment! ;-Þ

I also liked what you said about their love being like Christ love. Our dogs do seem to have agape love, unconditional. They're always forgiving of our shortcomings. They never even remember that we yelled at them in anger. Nothing makes them happier than to be with us. We could learn a lot from our dogs.

Kate said...

Thanks, Bev!!! I didn't realize they had already had him for six months when their circumstances changed. I had been thinking they picked him out and then gave him to you to raise until he was more civilized and less puppyish! (which is actually a brilliant idea....)

So they won't be missionaries in another country or even another state? They will for sure remain in the Dallas area?

Bev said...

Kate, your second question made me giggle. Actually it would be brilliant, but honestly I thought the fact that they housebroke him, perfectly, was a blessing to us, rather than us having to do so. We have levels of deck to get the pups outside, our weather is wet in some form 75% of the time, so we were thrilled all we had to do was make him behave. Having raised three kids and several dogs that didn't seem too bad. And Dear God, I hope they dont go to Africa or anywhere such, after we went and bought a home in southeast Texas. Janae is a Texas gal, and so we're hoping they'll stick close to home. Don needs a fishing buddy and I need more grandbabies to love on.

Diane@Diane's Place said...

Happy Birthday, Dubby! ;o)

You did a wonderful job on your birthday post. You should consider starting your own blog, Sir Dub. :o)

And to The Woman, I hope you have a great Sunday and forget Dubby's diet just for today. Everybody deserves a treat or two on their birthday and to be treated special.

Love and hugs,


Dan and Janae said...

Thank you so very much for your post---Dan and I loved getting to read this as soon as we got out of church today. We have been missing him so much lately---well Dan in particular. We are very blessed to have you and Don take care of our "son". The sacrifices you have made will never be forgotten. Dan said to tell Dubby that his "dad" will be taking him out for ice cream in a few days---and he may bring 1 friend (a.k.a. Elway).

And yes---the Lord willing--we will be in Texas forever. We can't wait to drive down on the weekends to the lake house to take our kids fishing with their grandparents!

Gretchen said...

Beer brats or not, I think that picture is a.d.o.r.a.b.l.e! Annie wouldn't mind Dubby's figure at all--she's on prednisone for her allergies, and though we try to keep her slim, her girlish figure keeps blooming.

I'm getting so excited for your move to TX! I know PA will be hard to leave because of your friends and Leslie and fam, but the new house and the proximity to other fam sounds wonderful.

Paulette said...

Beer brats and jail LOLOLOLOL this was hallarious, I am laughing like a banche, man you need to be writing a book, well actually this will def be a book one day. Too funny!!

Susanne said...

Happy Birthday Dubby! It would be good if the woman were a peanut butter sandwich wife wouldn't it? My doggy doesn't like the word D.I.E.T. either.

Chris said...

What a fun post! I do wish we could really know what they think. Dogs are great (most of the time!) aren't they? Ours actually has caught moles, and always appears quite proud and satisfied about it.

Barb said...

I can't believe I missed this post. I love it when "he" writes to us. Peanut butter wife. Honestly, you crack me up and I believe you could publish these letters, they're so much fun.

Kate's comment made me realize people probably are wondering why you have Danny and Janae's dog. They're going to think you're the best mom EVER when you tell them.


Barb said...

Well, duh. I guess if I'd read all the comments before I posted mine, I'd know you DID tell them. :-)